Miss Woodhouse's Musings

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Starbucks Drama

on 3 August 2010

I’ve long been envious of Chris Silk. There are many reasons for this:

1. He can write really well and be really funny.

2. He has a newspaper job where people pay him to write.

3. He’s a Starbucks fan.

4. He’s near a 24 hour Starbucks.

5. He sees more Starbucks drama in a week than I see in a year.

Seriously. For those of you who don’t know who Chris Silk is, he’s the mastermind behind one of my most favourite blogs: Starbucks Drama. He simply walks into a Starbucks (or sometimes he just drives up to the window), and he watches what goes on around him. Then, he takes what he sees, runs it through his razor-sharp wit, and shares it with us.

I, then, roll on the floor laughing.

Often, I can’t keep myself from commenting. Then, I go to work and share the latest craziness with my coworkers. Sometimes, they then go, read, and comment.

Starbucks is a tough job sometimes, and it helps a lot when customers can take a look around and find the humour. Our customers are really good at making us laugh at ourselves and others, so I’m thrilled that Chris is bringing his talent for doing the same to a national audience.

So, I promise that there’s a point to this post (beyond, you know, my equivalent of fangirl *squeeing*). Usually, I don’t get to see too much drama firsthand. I mean, I observe it ALL THE TIME, but I’m rarely involved with the customer stuff. I only get pulled into things as an employee, and let’s face it- that’s a whole different type of drama! Then, something happened the other day. Apparently, that was when the little Starbucks Drama fairies decided to be generous and share some weirdness with me.

For once, I was a customer in my own cafe. I had two precious, free hours, and I wanted to write reviews! So, I lugged in my purse (more like a small suitcase), a cute red bag with my laptop and phone charger, and a soda from lunch. Due to approximately 1 1/2 billion texts from a friend on Percocet, I needed to recharge my phone as well as my laptop. Thus, I plunked my stuff down on a chair by an outlet.

All my stuff. Do we have the picture? Good!

So, I’m getting organised, and this woman wanders up to me. Out of her mouth comes the inevitable question- “Is the an electrical outlet around here?” She needs to charge her phone.

Sigh.

But I’m nice, I tell her that there’s one behind me and she’s welcome to use it. After all, I can charge my phone from my laptop, no biggie. And the other electrical outlet is somewhat blocked by an incorrect coffee etagere. That’s a story for another time. Seriously.

So, while she’s getting her phone plugged in to charge I pop around the corner to grab my iced tea. I come back around the corner and…

…she’s sitting at my table. In my chair. The chair with my purse on it. The table with my laptop, phone, bag, cords, and everything on it.

Just…sitting there.

I’m not sure what to do. I wander back over to my table with my drink, and mess around with my laptop. I’m hoping she will get the hint and wait at another table for her phone to recharge. Not only does she not move, but she won’t make eye contact.

This just throws me. I gather up my laptop and phone, and wander over to the handoff plane. I figure I can write about it from there, and see what goes on. She sits there for another 20 minutes; not speaking, not ordering anything, not making eye contact.

Then, in the few seconds I’m distracted with a regular customer, she’s gone.

It was weird. I’m used to drama, but like I said earlier I’m usually involved as an employee. This was pure customer-to-customer drama. In all this, I had only one, burning, consuming question:

WWCSW? (What Would Chris Silk Write?)

I know that I can’t be as snarky, funny, and clever as Chris, so I won’t even try.

However, it was interesting that the day this happened it also happened to be the one year anniversary of Starbucks Drama! That’s a weird coincidence.

So, mosey on over and enjoy some great commentary on the drama that is Starbucks. Personally, I’d make sure to read this one, simply because it made me laugh so hard it hurt! So, thanks for the blog Chris, and may there be much more drama coming your way!

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6 responses to “Starbucks Drama

  1. sbuxdrama says:

    I am truly honored. And I don’t deserve the platitudes you send my way. :)

    And this is how I *might* have called it, although this is pure fiction:

    So, this old white lady just swiped a table tonight from some hipster chick with an office in her purse. We’ve gone from swiping drinks to swiping tables.

    I knew that free WiFi was going to lead to a war – next thing you know, there’s going to be a horde of Apple fanboys fighting off the bearded Linux types, lobbing iPod grenades all the way – all the while the real hackers – the Windows nerds – are trying to figure out how to get into the cash register.

    Like seriously – this girl had a purse – not a laptop bag – that managed to hold a computer, some books, notepad, chargers for everything under the sun and all the digital accouterments. Plus a nail file. I’m only amazed there wasn’t a small dog or a ferret in there.

    Our roving secretary corners the one outlet on that entire wall. Phone charger in one socket, laptop in the other. And the handicapped table – the only one with enough room for her stuff. I’m a table-hog too, but (Dear Starbucks – your outlet placement blows) Old. Entitled. I’m-paying-for-your-Social-Security. And dressed in tangerine wants to charge her new iPhone 4 that she got just to farm her crops. Don’t laugh – there are people with the word “director” in their title at my job that farm, fish, Yo, Mafia and whatever else all day long. And that send me Farkle requests.

    Matron and Secretary negotiate a power-sharing agreement. One gets one socket and a yearly tribute, the other another socket plus Eleanor of Acquitane and the landing rights at Calais.

    So Matron sits down behind the Roving Secretary and plugs in her phone. Secretary gets up to get a drink, leaving the laptop and her purse on the table. I get antsy when I walk four steps to the register from my computer – and I have it in sight at all times. But whatever.

    While she’s gone – for maybe a total of 30 seconds to pick up a drink – the matron decides that she doesn’t like “her” half of the outlet and proceeds to move. Maybe it was fault? I dunno.

    First, she swaps out the laptop plug and her phone charger – thinking the secretary won’t notice a little power drain then she decides to sit down at the table with Secretary’s stuff. That’s ballsy – and if I’d have come around a corner and seen a stranger sitting at my computer, drinks might have been flying – only I don’t want to kill a third MacBook Pro in 2 years (I have a record).

    Secretary got quite the shock when she turned around from the drinks counter. Four long strides and shes there. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” “Charging my phone.”

    They stare. Matron shrugs and doesn’t move – and picks up the phone to start surfing the text messages or playing FarmVille. She’s not being nosy into Secretary’s stuff – she just wants a power outlet and a table. Possession is 9/10ths of this law – and she ain’t gonna budge.

    I wish they would have thrown down – maybe wrapped a few phone chargers around each others necks – or blasted somebody on the head with a laptop – but alas, Secretary just rolled her eyes, gave a look that would melt a cheap wig and packed up her stuff loudly, noisily and with as much disturbance as she could create.

    Matron just sat there – moving her finger around on the iPhone screen. Maybe she just download the new version of CoinDozer – CookieDozer, or maybe she was having a secret sexting session with somebody in Jakarta. We’ll never know.

    Personal space means nothing to people these days. We might as well all be dogs and cats, marking out boundaries.

    • Oh my goodness- that’s pure awesomeness! See? You totally deserve any and all platitudes! :) Thanks so much for taking the time to stop by and recreate the scene; you made me laugh out loud (as always). Cheers! ;) -MissW

  2. Catherine says:

    haha–that’s some pretty wacky stuff at Sbux! People do such odd things…

  3. Hold the bus!!!! never mind peoples talent for creative writing malarky…..you have 24 hour Starbucks???????????

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