Miss Woodhouse's Musings

…about life, the universe, and everything. Don't panic!

Things Better Left Unsaid

on 7 November 2009

Saturday is here, so it’s time for a Starbucks-related story. One of the most amazing things about working for the company is the relationships between coworkers that they foster. We have guiding principles and attitudes that, if followed, make for an enjoyable work experience. However, if you wish for your coworkers to love you, at my store there are certain things that you never say.

–          “I’m bored.” Bad, bad, bad. This phrase guarantees that you be slammed for the rest of the shift and get so far behind in your duties that there is NO catching back up.

–          “Wow, it’s quiet in here.” This line apparently is taught in preschools and junior highs as “cue for you and every friend you know to come in and camp out for an hour or two minimum.” Bonus points are awarded for moms on cell phones with two or more kids under the age of five- chaos is bound to ensue.

–          “Well, the café is clean.” Frappuccino spill in 3…2…1….

–          “The espresso machines are behaving today.” I swear the machines are sentient beings. The last time someone said this they BOTH decided to take an hour lunch break in the middle of an afternoon rush. You haven’t lived dangerously until you’ve told tired elementary teachers that they can’t have their lattes because the machines aren’t working. *shudders*

–          “Okay, good. We might get out of here on time tonight.” Ain’t gonna happen! Just five minutes before you close, 20 people are going to walk in the door and want a drink from every station that you’ve already cleaned. They won’t, however, order anything from the stations still fully functional. This will put you behind 15 minutes, and you will NOT get out anywhere near on time. That new iPhone app must have a five minute to closing warning timer on it.

What power the tongue has! And what a sense of humor the cosmos has! And how annoyed your coworkers are tempted to be with you if you say any of those things! So, we have codes at my store. Most of the time they involve saying something to the effect of “I’d comment on the noise level in here, but I think it’s better not to.” Or, “Well, this must be as good as everything is going to get.” It’s much safer this way…. Just much safer… :)

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